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[07 May 2010|06:37pm]

mark40e
Photobucket
chicago


A BIT OF ADVICE

if you happen to see
an idiot
moving at top speed,
best to get out of their way…there is no bigger fool
than the fool who follows one.

never tie your anchor
to a sinking ship.

never look down on people
unless you are willing to help them up.

an old man once told me that
rainy days are best for sleeping
and making love…

any of the above pieces of information,
taken in part or in whole,
will help you see the world
in ways that will enlighten
you more than you know.

live it. because as a result of everything
you’ve done to this moment: THIS IS IT

make sure you are creating your future
with every breath you take...
post comment

[04 May 2010|09:02pm]

mark40e
Photobucket
south haven; MI

JUST A THOUGHT

it's important
to take yourself out for a walk
now and then.

just walk as far out
and away from home...then sit.

watch what happens to you
as
the sun sets
on the horizon...
post comment

[19 Apr 2010|09:21pm]

mark40e
Photobucket
south haven; MI

GOT TO GET EAST OF THE SUN

it never fails.

when i'm at the grocery store,
the person in front of me
always has some customer service issue
which requires a manager intervention
after long drawn out explanations
by the clerk as to why strawberries
are .10 more then they were 18 years ago.

a simple trip to ronald mcdonald's
or the burger king
always includes some lady counting
out $4.82 in pennies
and nickels
only to find out she's 6 cents short.

when i ask for a burger,
no pickles,
no cheese,
the cashier always asks,
"do you want cheese on that?"

"no pickles,
no cheese"
i'll say.

then. the burger arrives. no cheese,
but extra pickles. of course.

then
there are the bad drivers. the bad
cops (talking on their cell phones
as they run through red lights
and neighborhood stop signs),
and the bad
moods
from half assed service clerks
trying to sell me wireless internet
over the phone.

life can be a real bitch
if you let it creep up on you
that way.

there's plenty
to be pissed about
when you look out the window
and think about it.

rising gas prices,
lower satisfactions...

black on black crime. white collar
corruption. back street drug deals
and top 10 radio
that gets worse with each passing week.

every now and then
i find myself just east
of the sun though.

the colors
of the sky shine just right.

"have a nice day"
someone will say to me. and for once
i'll notice that it really is.

"same to you"
i might say,
"the very same to you..."

and i'll walk out on to the sidewalk
with my bag of goods...not even wondering
how long it's all going to last.
post comment

[15 Apr 2010|09:49pm]

mark40e
Photobucket
south haven; michigan

MORE AND MORE

more and more
i get the feeling that when it's all over
things will be much the same as when we were here.

too much undiscovered beauty
and never enough appreciation for the things we'd found.

basically,
when it's all said and done
there will be much more to be said and done...ha ha.

even now
my guess is that 85% of the earth's population
lives
as if they finally realize
that THIS IS IT. a certain acceptance
that the only magic that ever existed
was imagined
in the follies of youth.

less than 1% of the people you meet
truly savor
their life...and more importantly
their surroundings. a slow,
easy savoring as it all unfolds. even
when it folds the wrong way.

that 1% fully realize
that the people
who seem to dislike them
are simply trying to change them. they
have an understanding of the places
they should not be. and this matters
well,
because they shrug off
disasterous situations
and people in ways that count.

the rest fall in to varying degrees
of denial
and mild,
yet functional psychosis.

you are safest
when hanging with either
the 85% crowd
or the 1% crowd.

skip the rest.

because when it's all said
and done
you will hopefully
have done more than most,

or accepted your limitations with grace.

discover
all you can along the way. but don't
go looking for it.

let it flow in to you
as easy as a sunset,
or a soft rush of water
just drifting on by.

more and more
i get the feeling that when it's
all over, you and i will be standing there. grinning. and
staring at simple beauty
in ways we could have
never

possibly

imagined.

patience. it's easing towards us
even now...
post comment

[08 Apr 2010|11:55pm]

mark40e
Photobucket
chicago

NO NEED TO FAKE LIFE SO SERIOUSLY

i don't have anything to prove.

in fact,
if i did,
i did it a long time ago. and what i display
every day is a now scaled back,
slowed down version
of my former versions,

which were always recycled
and revised to meet ever changing pychological demands.

wiser,

but just a little weaker
with each passing year.

it's OK by me though. i believe i have better
stamina now. expending less energy,

preserving the bursts for the
moments that count - ha ha...

when i meet a group of new people,
i believe something is subtracted from my overall being. so i tend
to stick to the crowds i know, the places
i frequent,
and the faces i am all too familiar with.

the most beautiful women
i've met
have often been the most insecure.

the most handsome of men
have often been the most evil...or so dumb
that their effects delivered
evil, disgusting results.

i like simple people. beautiful
on the inside first.

the other kinds can continue
their lives of
fanciful despair. corroding
their surroundings
as they boast of their pomp
and circumstance.

i say there's no need to
fake life so seriously. no need
to mask shortcomings
with big words
and disguised failures.

grow what's inside. or the things
you already know.

the rest will take care of itself. and when it doesn't,
the reality will be that there is
more to learn. less to fake.

and a hell of a lot more fun
to be had
when you have an idea
where you are going
and know just where
you've been.
post comment

[29 Mar 2010|10:58pm]

mark40e
Photobucket
earth

50.

keep looking up.

things are bound to make sense
soon enough...
post comment

61. [20 Feb 2010|07:24pm]

mark40e
Photobucket
lincoln park zoo; chicago

61.

it's time
to take it easy.

it's time
to kick back,
take a nap,

wake up whenever

and go no place
that requires me to be in any sort of a hurry.
post comment

[06 Feb 2010|01:59pm]

mark40e
Photobucket
earth

ON THIRD THOUGHT

...and despite
what's been whispered or screamed,
we have everything. including time.

go
and talk to your lover. gently
and real.

look upwards
and realize that there is truly
nothing
that cannot be overcome. forgive

even if you cannot forget.

walk away when it's the best choice
for the universe
as a whole.

but hold on
when everyone can agree
that nothing else
will ever take its place.

close your eyes
and you'll know what i mean...
post comment

and if we must [05 Feb 2010|01:38am]

mark40e
Photobucket
the round room, sound bar; chicago

AND IF WE MUST

not every night does it for me. but i always seem
to find myself deep in to it. sipping a drink
or catching a taxi cab a couple of miles up the road.

uptown
to downtown. downtown
to river north. river north
over to the gold coast (all the while
trying desperately to steer clear of lincoln park).

but like i said,
not every night does it for me.

some nights
the frosted flakes have not gone down well. the drinks
are weak. and the people seem less clever
than ever.

on nights like this
you can fuck with anything you like. just don't fuck
with my thoughts. let me stand quietly
and sip my jacks
over coke.

these days i have a lovely wife to manage,
a small child to raise,
and my own portion of the earth's money to utilize wisely.

if you happen to start a conversation with me
i may not answer. it's not that i don't somehow like you. it's not
that i feel we'll never become famously friendly.

it's just that i have a lot on my mind

and never enough time to think things through.

i'm not always ready
to make nice. make small talk. or make believe.

when you see me in this state of being
just smile
and move along. if i happen to notice,
i'll remember you the next time
a happy moment finds us leaning in to the same bar.

because trust me. as much as i despise people,
i love them just the same. none of us could possibly exist
without each other,
good or bad.

the rich need the poor. the poor need the beautiful. and the beautiful
need it all.

but not every night
does it for all of us.

some nights
we cannot do anything for each other until
we have drank,
laughed,
or loved in some way that we never could before.
post comment

believe it or not [04 Feb 2010|02:23am]

mark40e
Photobucket
WTF; chicago

BELIEVE IT...OR NOT

i am the smartest person
i've ever met.

really.

i mean,
i cannot solve complex math problems
or
create masterful spreadsheets of data
with charts and graphs and creative headers.

but i sure as hell know
what's what
and how the how
gets to be
or not be
when the going gets going.

you can't get rock hard abs in just 3 minutes a day. you
can't beat the IRS by calling an 800 number over lunch. and a vermont
teddy bear for valentine's day is likely to get you dumped
with tomorrow's trash.

i know that on our worst day,
we can learn more from a 3 minute song on the radio
than in 25 years of higher learning.

eventually,
life
becomes an excercise in imagining nothing terrible
or strangely offensive has happened.

as humans
we can go from mad-passionate-love,
to desperate...fucking some stranger for comfort
in just one week's time. life really moves
that fast.

despite what the tree-huggers say,
the earth has been here long
before us...and will linger long
after we've faded away. the meek will not inherit
anything except
higher taxes
and maybe better whiskey.

eventually nothing really works.

but the good thing
is that there is always something new to try. some new
way of doing it. some new way of fucking, fucking up,
or somehow succeeding just before you fail again.

all of this is so easy
and gentle to realize. like a slow rising
of cigarette smoke over coffee.

i am the smartest person i've ever met. maybe the smartest person
on earth.

damn...ha ha. feels good.

and i'll bet
if you're reading this to the end,
you're probably pretty damn smart too. maybe the smartest
person you've ever met. maybe even the 2nd smartest person
on the face of this lovely,
never-ending earth...

sshhhh...welcome
to the
club.
post comment

release [27 Nov 2009|12:15am]

mark40e
Photobucket
chicago

RELEASE

release.

release that which
has waited
for far too long.

on this night
in this time

at this moment.

you must realize that
we weave through life
as simply
and as strangely
as rain drops over a field of green.

dripping,
trickling,
and flooding over with emotion
or hope.

release.

unravel.

unleash.

this touch,
so subtle. so swift.

before this
i was unknown,
unwanted,
and unnoticed.

but in this moment
i am exactly
where i was always meant to be.

release.

repose.

settle in.

tonight...please make this kiss
so brilliant,
so gentle...so sweet,

i'll die of it.

we'll love each other until
there is nothing left for the rest.
post comment

[20 Nov 2009|02:46am]

mark40e
Photobucket
marta; chicago

4 YEARS

4 years...strange.

still feeling the love. still feeling the luck.

i mean,
it's different. sure.

when i was younger there was this tune called
"space age love song". i hardly remember the melody,
but some reason
when i look at her,
it somehow comes to mind.

funny.

right before i snapped this shot
i said,
"you should never have your picture taken with alcohol
in your hand!"

she quickly tucked the glass of wine behind herself
as we just simply started to laugh.

we sat down,
enjoyed the view...and didn't say much for the next
15 minutes or so.

we didn't have to.

the quiet comfort after the laughter
said it all.
post comment

[15 Nov 2009|12:05pm]

mark40e
Photobucket
milwaukee art museum; WI

i mostly wander around. always have.

it's amazing i've made it this far.

when i was a kid
i'd get sent out to the yard to pull weeds
and end up looking for four leaf clovers. my mind is more apt
to focus in on the moment
than to think about the future
or the past.

i might know for sure if this is working for me,

but i can't remember what's happened
and i cannot see what will be.

fucking has always been the most perfect
waste of time for me. and sleeping is a close 2nd.

everything else is just a path to getting back to bed. with
or without my lover.

i stand up. cross the room. reach in to the fridge for a glass of milk.

i wonder what happened to lara botinelli. and i KNOW what happened
to elise geiger. amy tuesday too. none of them are here now,
and it's all for the better.

i sip my milk. it is quiet. only the sound of the refrigerator humming.

every day people die for nothing. the same ways they have lived.

the rich,
the poor,
the beautiful,
and the ugly continue to need each other
in order to feed their hate.

and although santa clause doesn't exist
i certainly wish he did. he represents all that ever made sense to me,

minus the jolly red suit,
of course.

i wander back to bed
and dream of four leaf clovers
as the rest of the world
makes their way to work.

it's a wonder any of us make it anywhere...the view goes on and on.
post comment

[19 Oct 2009|12:50am]

mark40e
Photobucket
south haven, MI

THOUGHTS AT 1248AM

the next time you think of me
consider that i am just a man
like any other man. the way one man
exists
on survival
through desire,
well guided intentions
and misguided results.

sometimes i drink too much
and sometimes i drink entirely too little. i've been to bed with hundreds
of women,
most of whom remained good friends for many,
many years.

i have a hard time sleeping in february, i never liked
hollywood movies,

and i love being lost in new cities...

i may have pounded the daylights out of r. giles
in the 7th grade,
but i cried like a baby
when my oldest cat finally died.

i despise traffic even more than the humans trapped there.

heroes
are eventually found out. and isn't it dreadful
when they finally are.

the next ten people you pass on the street
will have more secrets than you. or perhaps a few less...

and the next time i think of you
i'll consider that you've got perhaps more desire
than love. but more love
than hope.

and somewhere in there
we're bound to find something
that can linger
when everything we struggle against
slips mysteriously away.
post comment

[12 Aug 2009|01:31am]

mark40e
EXCERPT FROM MY PERSONAL JOURNAL: LETTERS TO EVELYN

Photobucket
evelyn; chicago

8/12/09 – 109am ~
It must be fascinating living life for the first time.

I can only imagine and wonder how I was when I was your age. Watching you experience so many things for the very first time. From jumping on the bed (one of your favorite pastimes), to watching the sun set – or in your case, the moon. For example – we tend to believe that life just goes on and on. It certainly feels that way when you are living it. Sometimes it drags, sometimes it goes too, too fast…and sometimes it just seems to BE. But all in all, we tend to believe that the things we love and experience will and should always be there for us. You are so fascinated by the moon, that now, when I see a full moon, I always rush to show you the fullness and beauty of it. It mostly makes you laugh and squeal – but in many ways, I wonder just WHAT it is that is so exciting about it for you…?? And yet, as YOU grow older, those full moons will continue. So much so, that you may think you see them all the time. But most people: how often will they sit and REALLY enjoy that full moon. 10 times? 20? It all seems so limitless. Family. Love. And yet at some point, it all comes to an end. Usually long before we wish it would.

I guess I’m just saying that I hope you always have the same enthusiasm you show today. That crazy squeal when on the rides at Kiddie Land, or watching home videos, the moon, stars, and CRANES – which you STILL love – ha ha. The way you bounce and scream when you see me, or jump on the bed, or when we walk to the park – it’s amazing. And yet even though it seems limitless, please continue to enjoy those moments as long as you live. Really take time to think about how much you enjoy it too. And be sure you spend time with people who love these things just as much as you. It’s important. Trust me…you will realize this again and again in your life.
post comment

[25 Jun 2009|09:53pm]

mark40e
Photobucket
somewhere close to earth

SILVER LININGS AND RAINBOWS

you know you've lived well
if things were really as great as you remember them.

for some people,
there have always been silver linings in their misery, and just winning
once in their lifetime
can bring them to their knees in tears. i know. i've seen it.

some have managed to somehow get it right
all along. and watching these rare specimens
is like listening to a master symphony. all the right crescendos
and all the right drops. fascinating.

for me: there have been a lot of silver linings
and even more misery. but hell...those silver linings
were also sprinkled with a lot of perfume
and beautiful, long legs. something that always kept people
wondering.

so life presses on. i see more and more
of the same.

but i'm always looking to the sky. often,
my eyes fixed on the horizon. wondering.

wondering
how things got to be the way they are. for me. for others. and
the others who keep on coming.

listen to 99 out of 100 songs. they're always about
love
or the lack of it. and that 100th song...i can never
understand the lyrics,
but hell - i'm sure it's probably about crazy love too.

someone pour me a drink. the sun is setting
once again. and look at that odd rainbow
making its way around the bend.

you know you've lived well
if things were really as great as you remember them.

and even if they weren't,
best to keep those memories close to heart. they'll be the things
that pull you through when the silver linings eventually run dry...
post comment

[17 Jun 2009|08:25pm]

mark40e
Photobucket
chicago

BAD DAY

...so.

i have had nothing but angry dreams
the past few nights. so much so
that it's actually made me quite angry
even today.

all day. i was sour. foul. short fused,
and tired.

i got at least 3 angry phone calls
by 11am. then
i realized
at least 4 different things which are going to severely
affect my life in the short term. on the way home
this afternoon, a very large old woman
with a sleevless shirt
leaned in to me the whole way. she was grunting
and smelly,

and by the time i stepped off the el,
my whole left side smelled like her. flabby
and sick.

i see strange faces
every where i turn. in my waking life
and in sleep.

in my dreams
i'm often scared,
lost,
or both.

and in my waking life
i'm just mostly lost.

there are at least 165 days till new year's eve. so resolutions
at this point may be fruitless.

tonight,
i stare out the window...and type a few words
now and then.

the ice cream man just rolled by
and i hope he's having a better day than me.

tap tap tap

i type these few words
and then i'm back to the window.

one of the neighbors
is walking their dog.

tap tap tap

then i go to the fridge for a sip of milk.

i used to live downtown
but now i live uptown.

and you may be tempted to reach me here
but please don't. i'll be back downtown
again soon. i'll be sure to buy you a drink
when i return.

until then,
just keep wishing me well. send your prayers too.

we can all use them now and then,

even if we don't have reasons
to believe.
2 comments|post comment

[12 Jun 2009|01:53pm]

mark40e
Photobucket
chicago

12/21/12

when they come for us,
it won't matter who is who,
what is what,
or where you are.

it'll be quick.

quick
and easy.

it won't matter who you voted for,
what you eat,
or anything you've ever argued about
on a thursday night.

when they come for us
it'll be faster
than a jack rabbit under a bush...and more violent
than your sickest dream.

when they come for us,
best to be ready. and if you don't believe
in GOD,
you best be right.

you don't get second chances
when that cloud rolls in.

you'll get exactly
what you had coming to you all along.

and my guess is if you believe in GOD,
you'll be glad
you ever did.

because some place in the cosmos
we'll find ourselves just sailing
and sailing away
as the next great thing
comes gently floating in...GOD too. he'll just breathe
and say
"seeeee?? told you so."

and won't that be grand...
2 comments|post comment

[01 Jun 2009|09:07pm]

mark40e
Photobucket
out of town

ALONE SOME OF THE TIME

when you live alone
you can do really wonderful things.

like listen to your favorite song over and over
all day long. just program it in
and *ZAM*
you are in your own musical heaven
created solely
and purposefully
for you.

when you are alone,
you can do strangely
interesting things...

like carry an entire conversation out loud with yourself
as you walk around picking up dirty clothes
and wiping down the counter tops. you may even come up
with solutions that you could not otherwise solve while sitting
in traffic,
or worrying about some lover coming
or going. the endless arguments
that pervade your lover-filled afternoons.

when i met lisa,
her shimmering blonde hair
was only outshined by the 40k wedding ring
on her finger.

it shimmered in the morning sunlight
as i took her from behind,
her hands grasping the pillow...the cats just watching on. she had an ass
like a maserati...maybe better.

i used to think it was funny. nailing a young
and beautifully confused blonde bombshell from the suburbs.

but as i look back on it,
i hesitate to think about it all...

"i love your little place here in the city. high
above it all",
she'd say
before taking herself away...back to the parking garage
and off down the expressway to the man paying the bills.

he even came looking for me once. i was able to calm him down
enough to realize that i was not his problem.

"look in the mirror
before you come looking for me",
i said,
"then ask your wonderful wife what the hell the problems are."

"i swear if you ever go near my wife again
i'll kill you, myself."

that was the last i'd heard from either of them.

i believed him.

and although
she could bring any man to his knees,
better him
than me.

so there i was again. alone at home. and the same old
prospects that milled around before she'd arrived.

when you live alone,
it's easy to be nothing but. because when the new ones
or the old ones leave through the door,
you're all you've got.

i loved my little place in the city. high above it all.

but as i think back,
i hesitate to think about it at all.

being alone has its glory
and agony just the same.

sipping coffee alone
is something i'll never miss. the endless club-hopping too. the
beat-beat-bump
of the hazy, black nights.

i do miss those long afternoons of musical bliss though. and
taking a long look in the mirror,
showered and ready,
before heading back out in to the night.

try it some time. for 10 yrs or so...

and let me know
how it feels.
post comment

[30 May 2009|11:13am]

mark40e
Photobucket

EASY DOES IT

it never ends. so why bother fighting it. best
to roll with the punches.

or better yet,
just look the other way.

something good is bound to happen
just like something bad is sure to follow.

who cares. unless of course you are running late
and something is standing in your way. but even then,

fuck it.

will it matter tomorrow
if you are late for a meeting,
a party,
or for work?

the world will just keeps pressing on. which makes me think
that everything that is going on,
late or early,
is happening just when it should.

make ups.
break ups.

water to wine.

the other day i missed my train. but the next one
got me where i was going just the same...

it's all the same. it's all the same.

when we discover
that nothing matters
unless we MAKE it matter,
we'll be happier to let things go
when they are just about to
ruin
our
day.

take it easy. because when you don't take it easy,
is it really better for you anyways???

exactly...
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